Marriage: Fire In the Fireplace

Fire is beautiful or ugly. Helpful or dangerous. Comforting or fearful. Life-sustaining or deadly. It all depends on the circumstances. If someone calls out “Fire,” I answer, “Where?” “In the fireplace.” Instead of panic, I move toward the warmth and cheer of the flames. But what if the word “Fire!”, and my question “Where?” is answered with “In the walls!”? I must make a hasty retreat or perish in the burning house.

Fire in the walls is for our next chapter. This chapter is more pleasant—fire in the fireplace—where it is meant to be. The fire is passion. The fire is sex. And the fireplace is marriage, where passion’s pleasure is kept fed but also controlled by the solid construction of that fireplace called marital fidelity and life-time commitment.

Adam came from God’s heart. Eve came from Adam’s side (yes, close to his heart, not from under his feet).¹ When Adam awoke from the Divine Physician’s anesthesia, he probably lost his breath just looking at that voluptuous woman about to become his wife and partner.² No more hugging hippos. No more kissing pets. His Eve had become Adam’s morning. And afternoon. And night. A very good night!

Naked and unashamed.³ Clothed in the glory of the Architect of marriage—God Himself. Because of sin’s fall, we have lost the wonder of the sunrise of that first marriage. And what every succeeding marriage was—and is—meant to be. Where sex is never meant to be just a physical coupling of two bodies, but a spiritual union so deep that physical intercourse becomes God’s most awesome means for me to pour out the love I feel for my wife—the love of total commitment and loyalty.

In fact, what is the deep lesson behind a husband and wife united in faithful, full sexual relations? Incredibly, Christ calls it the best explanation for the mystery of Him being united to His church—those who have chosen to accept and love Him as our eternal bridegroom.⁴ Man, that’s heavy!

And don’t ever think, like so many past Christian generations did, that God is a prude. As if to love God is to hate any idea of sexual pleasure. How foolish. I found this verse as a single Marine and put it in my file called “If I get married.” “Let her (your wife’s) breasts satisfy you at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love” (Proverbs 5:19). Ravished?! Whew!! That isn’t prudish! And those eight little chapters in Song of Solomon! I read these to my Norma on our honeymoon—unashamed and with a heart of passion wanting to fly out of my chest. Go ahead. Read these chapters. But their fulfillment can only be experienced in marriage.⁵

A lifetime commitment before God and witnesses. Utter loyalty to your vows. Good times and bad. Bill paying and dirty diapers. When he/she takes your breath away at night and has bad breath in the morning. Agreements and conflict. And viewing the word “divorce” as a 7 letter curse word that won’t come out of your mouth—ever!⁶ That is a little of what marriage is meant to be. Not some tall tale of passion and sex without the pledge of “only you—all my life—so help me God!”

"Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ" (I Corinthians 11:1)
The ST. PAUL SCHOOL, with Frank Eiklor, Eileen Young and Cecilia Contreras