A Word to Wives

When you see a godly marriage, you are looking at a miracle. I have lived in this miracle relationship over 50 years to my Norma. She is simply the greatest!

Let’s continue our study of marriage. Marriage can be either a miracle or a mess—a little bit of heaven or a little bit of—well, you know. The last two studies were a challenge to us men. Now it’s time for the same encouragement and challenge to women. Whether you are married, hope to get married, or happy to be unmarried, this lesson can help you see how God intends marriage to be a miracle.

In a world where marriages—including Christian marriages—are ending in failure and divorce, it is possible to have a marriage that not only passes the test of time but serves as a winning example for others. Today’s husbands and wives know pressure exerted against their marriages as never before. Before Christ returns, Scripture says that things will get worse—not better. Will the world finally ridicule faithfulness in marriage? Will it abolish the marriage contract altogether? No one knows these answers but you can know how your marriage will turn out.

I want to give you some practical advice for not only falling in love but staying in love. As a man, I have a good idea of what men desire in marriage. I not only experience these desires but have listened to many men pouring out their sins, frailties, hopes and dreams concerning their marriages. Whether your marriage is great, not so great, or yet in the future, I hope my thoughts will inspire you to cooperate with the Lord in making your marriage everything God wants it to be.

TWO KEY WORDS

There are two key words if husband and wife are to build an effective bridge of love between themselves. The key word for the husband is “love.” I am to love my wife as if I am Jesus and she is “Mrs. Church.” What compassion, concern and gentleness I will give her! How careful I will be to allow her to develop as a total person! How willing I will be to let her share her inner heart and feelings without fear of being rejected.
 

The key word for the wife is “submission.” That’s a dangerous word to use in these days of growing feminist liberation movements. However, God knew the complimentary role that husband and wife would enjoy together. It would be king and queen—the husband ruling, the wife reigning.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER

Study this beautiful verse written to Christian women (and they did not even have the privilege of having husbands who loved the Lord—if you have a believing husband, thank God.) “…married women, be submissive to your own husbands—subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them, so that even if any do not obey the Word of God, they may be won over not by discussion, but by the godly lives of their wives” (I Peter 3:1 Amplified).

This verse shows how a Christian wife with an unsaved husband can win him over to the Lord’s side without having to use a library of words. Since actions speak louder than words, she can influence him by her godly character and loving ways.

Again in Ephesians 5:22 we read, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.” It is easy to submit to the leadership of some men—but it must be very difficult for women who have rude or obnoxious husbands. A great help for such a woman is to inwardly submit to her husband by doing it as to the Lord Jesus. This does not suggest that a woman should accept beatings, vile language abuse, a husband’s adulterous affairs, etc., without taking action. Most Christian women have caring husbands and marriages that are worth effort at making them better. Here are some practical points for wives.

1) Put the Lord First

First, establish a beautiful bridge of love between the Lord and you. Take time each day to be alone with God. Let Him speak through His Word. Then apply those truths to your life. Take time for daily prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to fill you with His love for your husband.

2) Pause to Reflect

Reflect often on what you saw in your husband that first captured your attention prior to your marriage. Those qualities are still there, even if buried through carelessness, neglect or forgetfulness. Determine that with God’s guidance you can help your husband re-discover those qualities again, not by criticizing him but through your loving attitudes, words and actions.

3) Long Live The King

Make up your mind that regardless of your husband’s spiritual condition you will regard him as your very special king. We all long to be accepted for who we are—rather than for what people wish we were. Your husband is no exception.

4) Honeymoon Words

Put those honeymoon words, “I love you” back into your daily vocabulary. Affectionate words and actions make any man feel important and needed.

5) Breaking Bad Habits

If your husband has bad habits or vices, don’t insult him or use emotional pressures like crying, pouting, etc., to get your way. Tell him you would like to have a heart-to-heart talk together because you love him. Share with him the areas in his life that please you and gently bring up the things that you wish he would change.

For example, some men get careless after marriage even to the point of poor personal hygiene. A wife with heaven’s wisdom will share that fault in such a way that her husband will want to change for a wife who thinks he is the greatest and wants to be enveloped in his arms.

6) Never Compare

Never compare your husband negatively to other men. No person wants to be compared to another, for fear they won’t measure up, and every married partner wants to believe that he or she is the most attractive person in the world to a mate.

7) Stay Attractive

What was it that drew your husband to you before you were married? Obviously, he saw you at your best—looking beautiful. That can’t always be the case—there’s time to wash windows and vacuum the house and you don’t wear a pretty dress for such an occasion. However, maintaining an attractive appearance as much as possible is important.

Also, don’t immediately tell him the children’s misbehavior the moment he comes home from work. He may have had troubles enough on the job. Instead, be cheerful and talk about some of the good things that happened. When you are both relaxed, there will be sufficient time for the more difficult things.

8) Prepare an Occasional Romantic Meal

There is some truth to the saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Cook his favorite dish once in a while and with a romantic setting of candlelight and soft music. You may see a sparkle in his eye that tells you how he feels in his heart.

TO BE CONTINUED

"Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ" (I Corinthians 11:1)
The ST. PAUL SCHOOL, with Frank Eiklor, Eileen Young and Cecilia Contreras