A Word to Wives continued

Let’s complete our study on how to have an awesome marriage. The first two lessons were for husbands. This lesson concludes our two-part lessons to wives. In Part One, we shared eight practical steps to put “miracle” into your marriage. Here are eight more wonderful suggestions that my wife Norma and I believe are very important.

9) Shared Interests

Enjoy togetherness but don’t always insist on having to be together. Cultivate interest in at least one of your husband’s major hobbies and enjoy that activity with him. He will appreciate your caring.

10) Intimacy is a Ministry

It has been said that women give sex to gain love and men give love to gain sex. A woman has a powerful ministry at her disposal that can build, bless and cause her husband to burst with feeling that he is God’s gift to his wife. Enjoy warm, intimate closeness and don’t ever refuse sexual contact from your husband as a means of punishment or getting your own way.

11) Devotional Partners

If you are not having an evening devotional together, suggest this to your husband. Tell him that you are looking to him for spiritual leadership and would appreciate reading the Bible and praying together. If he is forgetful or the kind who starts but does not finish a project, lovingly remind him each night and have a Bible by your bedside. Little by little, the habit of reading the Word of God and praying for each other before falling asleep will become a fixed habit in your lives. I can’t think of a single more important discipline that will cause two people to fall more in love with the Lord and, consequently, with each other, than a daily time together in Scripture and prayer. Besides, since Jesus said “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them,” (Matthew 18:20) the husband and wife prayer relationship constitutes a great unit of power.

12) Marriage is a Mountain

Discipline yourself to the realities of marriage. Marriage is like climbing a mountain with both ups and downs. Stay far from the Hollywood Soap Opera images of fantasyland that run from the real world of reality (the end of such fantasy is the reality of divorce). And don’t start crying when things go wrong with “You don’t love me!” That frightens a husband and makes him think that his wife is measuring his love for her by her exacting standards for behavior. This can grow both tiring and frustrating.

13) Taking the High Road

Don’t ever take the low road of threatening with divorce. One woman had the habit of saying things like, “The way things are going, I don’t think our marriage is going to last.” Or “If this continues, I’m going to leave you.” Or “I can see why it’s better for some people to get a divorce.” This became such a common occurrence that one day her husband, feeling his wife would someday leave him anyway, insisted on a divorce and left her with a broken heart. Since the Bible says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), a wife who is going God’s way will hate it too.

14) The Miracle of Touch

Whether or not your husband is a “romantic Romeo,” he needs frequent demonstrations of affection. Here I am not merely referring to the highest demonstration of physical affection, which is marital intimacy. Instead, I’m talking about those moments when you spontaneously take his hand, give him a great big hug, sit down on his lap, give him a kiss, place your hand on his shoulder or arm and leave it there, etc.

Those involved in bringing spiritual and psychological healing to people have discovered the miracle of touch. A marriage with more hugging will be a marriage with less bugging. A little card or a love note for no special occasion can work miracles to build the confidence of a husband and make him feel like a king. Since any king wants a queen to reign with him, you may find his own level of noticing and caring for you rising proportionately.

15) Catch the Signal

Make each meal a happy time of communication. Avoid negative subjects while eating and when you know that he is extremely tired or discouraged. Scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). The Bible also says “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). Every wife has the privilege of catching the Holy Spirit’s signals on a word or action that, given at the right moment, will both bless and build her husband.

16) Communicate Differences is a Positive Way

Remember that “submitting” is not “submerging.” You are not to lose your identity or individualism and bury your own needs. When you know things aren’t going right—or could go better—let your husband know that you need to have an open talk with him. Don’t communicate in a combative way that leaves him threatened but in a manner that makes him want to adjust because of a wife who believes in him.

CONCLUSION

The thoughts I have shared are simple, basic and practical. That’s why they work. Marriage between two people is the closest relationship on earth and is compared to Christ’s love for us. When referring to the union between husband and wife, the Bible says “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).

The important thing to remember is that your Heavenly Father has all the materials of loving attitudes, words and actions necessary for you to build a stronger bridge of love to your husband. The joy you’ll find in the Lord and the fulfillment you can experience in your marriage will make any effort to build that bridge of love worth it all. After all, God made marriage to be a miracle!

"Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ" (I Corinthians 11:1)
The ST. PAUL SCHOOL, with Frank Eiklor, Eileen Young and Cecilia Contreras